cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
