i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
