i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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