what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
