so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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