And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
