she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
