i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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