I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
