My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
