i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
