Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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