so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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