took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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