I want to make a zoo with you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
