Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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