then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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