You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
