moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
