So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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