thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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