i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
