How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
