Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
