She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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