you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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