What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
