my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
