i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
