Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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