I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
