You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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