I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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