She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
