Ambien. No doubt about it.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
