He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
