We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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