PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
