shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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