hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize