Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
