The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
