things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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