I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
