i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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