the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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