Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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