at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
