I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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