When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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