all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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