dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
